Dating is the other woman on purpose – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I believe my best friend “Lara” may have knowingly been the “other woman” in a relationship. Lara recently started seeing her ex “Jonas” from her college days.

He contacted her about six months ago and it started as a friendly conversation from a distance (they live in different states).

They’ve seen each other in person twice so far; once at a hotel while traveling for business and very recently when he visited her at home.

I voiced my concerns before meeting in person because the last thing she knew was that he was still with his long-term partner (with whom he shares two children).

Lara said she would find out the truth before things progressed. Things have moved forward now, but She refuses to share many details; It is stated that Jonas and his partner are together in name only and that Jonas plans to officially end this relationship.

I find this lack of information very worrying. Many easy-to-find clues online led me to believe that he was still with his partner.

I’m afraid Lara is wearing blinders

It bothers me to hear about her relationship with Jonas.

I was also wondering if I should talk to him again or even contact Jonas’ partner.

– An Anxious Friend

Dear Concerned: I agree with you that your best friend is most likely the “other woman” in a relationship “on purpose.”

You must accept that he/she will have access to all the information you have access to and more.

And so, if he’s knowingly entering into this relationship, you have no duty to tell him about it, and you have absolutely no business letting “Jonas’s” partner, who is a total stranger, know about it.

In short, none of this is any of your business. Congratulations! You’re completely off the hook.

You obviously disapprove of this and may be concerned about your friend getting hurt in a situation that is almost guaranteed to hurt at least one of the parties involved. These are things you have the right to express using “I statements”: “I really don’t approve of what you’re doing. “I’m so worried you’re going to get hurt.”

This much. Your friend has the right to live his life the way he wants to live it. His choices could hurt him and harm his relationship with you. These are the consequences of his choices, and he and you will have to accept them.

Dear Amy: I’m in my mid-20s and living with my parents after college and saving up to move out on my own. I sleep (and mostly live) in my childhood bedroom. I work in a restaurant, so I eat most of my meals out. I pay my mom $350 a month to rent my room.

I bring home a decent amount of money from tips. For that reason, and frankly because I suspect my mom is going through something and borrows my stuff from time to time, I set up a camera connected to my phone.

Long story short – I saw my mother enter my room and engage in what I would call basic “peeping” behavior. I read the things on my desk, I look at the bills, I look in my closet.

I was a little scared but not surprised. I asked him about it the next day and he was very offended that I was the one wearing the camera. He insisted that I remove it because it was “his house.”

I’m disappointed and would like your opinion on this.

– Duty Girl

Dear Daughter: It may be your mother’s house, but you are renting a room from her and this should be your private space because you are the one paying for it. (And he should respect your privacy no matter what.)

I think it’s time to lock your door.

Understand that this whole incident could most likely lead to him asking you to move out.

You can rent another room for a price close to the price you paid. If your mother tried to evict you, she would probably respect the validity of your lease.

Dear Amy: “K” expressed a desire to visit her ex from decades ago while the woman is currently in a nursing home.

Thank you for encouraging K to ask if this is okay. I can’t imagine anything more stressful for family members than waiting for a complete stranger to come and visit.

– be there

Dear I Was There: This idea mainly served “K’s” interests.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.)