Employee asks why he can’t be friends with manager – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I am a manager at my job.

Last June, a new employee was transferred from a different unit. The first few days were very sad. He also had a fear of reporting to his new supervisor (not me) because he thought he “looked bad.”

I explained how I manage and how our team works. He was grateful.

He started bringing me breakfast in the morning. I asked him to stop several times, but he continued to bring me gifts of food and other kinds of gifts and left them on my desk. This was completely undesirable.

I asked again for it to stop but it continued.

He was promoted in December. I was so happy because he would be gone from my area and I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

However, he started visiting my office and leaving me small gifts when I was not around. Once again I asked him to stop.

Last week he made a surprise lunch visit to my office, which is in a completely different building on a different side of town.

He drove to where I work to “say hello”. I told him I appreciated it but I needed to get back to work.

He said he felt disrespected and then wrote me a very long email saying he didn’t understand why we couldn’t be friends and wondered why I kept rejecting him.

He also said that he believed that I was afraid of him, that I was jealous of his self-confidence, that I was jealous of the things he did, the way he carried himself, and the fact that he was younger than me.

He sent me notes and letters saying he knew I was very fragile and needed him to take care of me.

I don’t know how to get this woman to leave me alone.

I’m a heterosexual woman and I don’t like him at all. I don’t need friends anymore.

I feel like I’m being followed. The pithy, needy emails and letters he writes are too much for me.

I’m tired of this. What should I do? Should I go to HR?

– Manager in Texas

Dear Manager: Yes, you should go to HR immediately. You probably should have left a long time ago. This person sounds like your “single white woman” (look it up) – becoming more manipulative and obsessive over time. You tried to stop him several times and he did not respect your reasonable boundaries.

Print out every communication he sends you and go to HR immediately. You don’t know if he acts this way towards other people in the company, but his behavior towards you seems to have taken a threatening turn, and that’s concerning.

Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. I really love him and we both think marriage is the next logical step. My problem is that I really worry about losing my freedom. This fear really gets in the way of a marriage proposal and I wonder if this is normal.

–W

Dear W: Just because “marriage is the next logical step” doesn’t mean you should do it.

Marriage is irrational in many ways; For many people, marriage is a truly exciting (and sometimes scary) leap into the unknown. But it’s a step they want to do because they’ll be holding hands as they jump.

I think it’s normal to be nervous about an extreme change in your life, but your fear of “losing your freedom” speaks to that. You must thoroughly and honestly consider exactly what losing your freedom means to you.

Associate for free and write a list; Don’t leave anything out.

Seeing this list can help you dig deeper and more consistently understand what is holding you back. And if marrying your girlfriend doesn’t feel right, don’t do it!

Unless you’re really excited about diving headfirst into married life with this special person, you shouldn’t do this.

Dear Amy: “Concerned Uncle” accused his sister of raising “useless, entitled” children.

These kids are 10 and 7 years old.

Useless? You have a heart, my friend! They are children. Wait and see how it turns out.

This uncle’s duty is to be a friend and a role model.

–Nicole

Dear Nicole: Not to mention the fact that this uncle made his decision from his perch as a long-term guest at his sister’s house.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.)