Own your own narrative – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I was deeply saddened and ashamed to learn that my ex-husband was involved in corporate crime while we were married.

One of the two lawsuits and related court papers and evidence reveal his involvement in a complex scheme that resulted in a large settlement award to the plaintiff company.

I quietly left my marriage and took a job across the country to escape my ex-husband’s erratic behavior, irresponsibility, and terrible work ethic.

I had no idea that crimes were being committed in my home and right under my nose; A common scenario, I now understand, when it comes to spouses of white-collar criminals.

A second corporate fraud case is currently pending. I recognize that these crimes have a financial impact on a wide range of people.

Now I’m wondering whether I should keep quiet about my separation from the marriage, or take a few proactive measures to share with those in our once mutual circle of friends and colleagues that I was neither aware of nor ever condoned such illegal things. and predatory actions.

From what I’ve read, divorcing a white-collar criminal is often perceived as a way for the woman to protect her own interests while standing by her man.

For better or worse, I am not that person, and I am increasingly disturbed that that may be the perception.

What should I do?

– Amy in SC

Dear Amy: Because you feel so strongly about this, you must own your own narrative by using your own words and writing the story you want others to know. But for now, just do this for yourself.

Until these crimes are fully resolved through the courts and you receive up-to-date and competent legal advice directed solely to you, I do not think it is wise to publicly disclose any details about your ex-husband’s crimes.

The last thing you want to do is somehow accidentally become trapped or insert yourself into the situation where you’re trying to keep your distance.

Your real friends know you and understand your situation. Are there people in your ex’s circle who have “perceptions” about your divorce? When you left your previous life behind, didn’t you leave these perceptions behind? Because the truth is that you left the marriage to protect your own interests. And – it’s good for you.

Dear Amy: My godson is getting married soon, and because he and his fiancee live in a small apartment, they are not listed on any marriage records.

But wedding websites suggest that if guests want to donate to honor their wedding, they should give their gifts to a local clinic that performs abortions.

I’m not condemning their choice to be pro-abortion, but putting that on wedding invitations is beyond belief.

I will not give it to an abortion clinic (my choice).

I was planning to give them a wedding check, and I’ll be upset if it goes to the abortion clinic.

What should I do?

– Wedding Dilemma

Dear Dilemma: Many couples suggest reasons why their wedding guests can donate in their honor. Clinics that offer abortion services also provide many important reproductive health services to women.

If you don’t condemn this couple’s stance on abortion, then you certainly don’t condemn their choice to donate their own money to support a clinic.

And if you give them money as a wedding gift, it will no longer be your money, but their money to spend as they wish.

You can give them Aunt Bertha’s old gravy boat instead of cash, but then they can turn around and sell it and donate the proceeds.

My point is, you don’t have the right to control where the gift you give them ends up.

A gift card to a local restaurant or establishment that matches their interests (other than abortion services) might make you feel better.

Dear Amy: “Modern Day Greta Garbo” expressed her desire to spend weeks alone, away from her husband.

Your answer was terrible!

Marriage is being together. Do I sometimes want to be away from my husband for forty years? Certainly! But we are married.

You never took your husband’s wishes into account.

– Sad

Dear Upset: My answer suggested several ways for her and her husband to resolve this, so of course she needs to discuss this with him and take his wishes into consideration.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.)