We want our daughter to leave her cheating husband – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: My wonderful daughter and her husband have been together for 15 years. They met in college and have been together since they first met.

We truly love her husband “Danny” and consider him our son.

They have a one-year-old child and we absolutely adore our grandson.

Danny’s job is challenging and highly successful. Our daughter is taking a break from her career to be home with her babies because Danny travels a lot.

Last week our daughter told us that Danny was cheating on her. He is miserable and so are we. We are so disappointed in him and feel completely betrayed by him.

Our daughter told us that she and Danny were trying to work things out. They plan to stay together, she says, and she definitely wants to stay married to him.

We’re worried about her self-esteem and don’t think it’s a good idea for her to stay married to someone who’s unfaithful to her.

My wife and I want him to seek out an attorney, but we are hesitant to share our opinion with him.

What are you thinking?

– Torn Parents

Dear Parents: Couples survive infidelity.

When it comes to your daughter’s marriage, it’s a mistake to be fixated on a particular outcome.

You should be honest with him if he asks for your advice about what you believe he should do. Otherwise, keep your opinion to yourself.

If you share his view, you should also say that you understand that this is complicated, that this is his marriage, not yours, and that you will definitely be there for him no matter what.

If she stays with her husband, you should be honest with her too. Tell them (privately) that you are disappointed in their choice but hope they can heal.

You could put your daughter in a difficult situation if you put her down or react angrily. He might feel the need to defend her and that’s why he might distance himself from you.

Dear Amy: I am originally from Europe and have lived in Los Angeles for over 55 years; Naturally, I call Los Angeles home.

Most of the time when I’m introduced to new people in a group setting, I say I’m from Los Angeles.

A woman recently responded: “You don’t have a Los Angeles accent.”

Just as it is rude to comment on someone’s weight, shape, or appearance, I also think it is inappropriate to comment on someone’s accent and how they speak/sound.

I don’t see the need to explain the country where I spent my childhood. Also, I definitely don’t want to answer such questions.

Is an answer necessary when it is not really a question but merely a statement?

– Dan in Los Angeles

Dear Dan: I wonder what your Los Angeles accent sounds like.

Are these the long speeches popularized by “Valley girls” in the 80s? Kardashian’s low-pitched vocals? The Spanish-influenced accent of Hispanics, who make up nearly 50 percent of Los Angeles’ population?

I mean, in a cosmopolitan melting pot like your own city, many accents qualify as “quintessential Los Angeles.”

The crudest assumption is to believe that the person you are quoting is trying to figure out whether you are actually “American” or trying to imply that you are not.

These “where are you from” insinuations seem rude to Americans who, like you, might have been born somewhere else, because it paints you as the “other.”

The kinder assumption is that someone asking about your accent is looking for a way to connect. They may believe that you and they share a similar ethnic or regional background. Or they (clumsily) try to start a conversation.

If this is posed as a question, you might answer: “I have lived in Los Angeles for more than half a century; This is my hometown.”

If this is presented as a statement (“You don’t have a Los Angeles accent”), you can deflect and respond by asking where they grew up.

Or you can say: “Hmm. What about this?”

Dear Amy: “Sad and Confused” was upset when her longtime friends were stripped of their years-long vacation rental.

There’s an ethos among people who rent hard-to-find holiday homes: Tenants are fiercely protective of their rented weeks, and if friends smuggle out, that means the friendship is basically over.

– Island Tenant

Dear Tenant: I agree too.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.)