Boyfriend spends too much time at mom’s house – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: I have been with my 43-year-old boyfriend for two years.

He works two jobs so we have zero time together during the week (we are both teachers).

On weekends, he goes to his mother’s house around 5 p.m. and plays video games with his 13-year-old nephew until 2 a.m. I have a 10-year-old son that my boyfriend enjoys being with, and my son sometimes enjoys spending time with his nephew. But last weekend my boyfriend went to his mom’s on both Friday and Saturday nights.

I’ve had problems with the pregnancy and I don’t want to have another child, but my boyfriend says he does.

He says I can’t say anything about the time he spent with his niece because I don’t want to have children with him.

What bothers me is not the timing, but the huge imbalance.

I go to sleep earlier than he does, so since his nephew stays up late, why don’t we go to his mom’s at 9pm instead of 5pm?

Am I wasting my time with a man who doesn’t want to put me first?

– Split

Dear Torn: Yes, the way you’re spending your time now (being angry at your boyfriend’s choices and staying home while he goes out on the weekends) is wasteful.

Your boyfriend doesn’t want to hang out with you. (He would have if that were the case.)

The way you describe the situation, how he chooses to spend his free time, and how you frame his reaction to you make him seem like a teenager acting out. The obvious motivation and justification for him being disrespectful towards you is that he doesn’t like your answer to the most serious question a couple can face: whether to have children.

Aside from the fact that he doesn’t seem to enjoy being with you in his free time, he doesn’t seem mature enough to be a father.

Fortunately, his level of maturity or desire to be a true “family man” will be another woman’s problem; when you finally realize that this is not a healthy relationship for you and your son because of your different interests and values. and future plans.

Dear Amy: I’m getting married in about six months. I’m the bride and I’m excited to plan the wedding. I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time.

My problem is with my bridesmaids. I have six servants. Only one of them (my sister) lives in that area because I chose women from various periods of my life.

I’ve been dreaming of spending a really fun Saturday dress shopping, drinking champagne, and trying on dresses with my mom and the bridesmaids, and I’ve been trying to coordinate it, but neither of them seem able or willing to come into town to do it (two of us). many have family here).

I’m so disappointed that I’m not sure if I picked the wrong people to oppose me.

What should I do? Should I find different officers?

– Sad

Dear Sad: Protect the officers, set aside expectations.

Many couples getting married seem to have developed their ideas of what weddings should be from reality shows, where couples sometimes have unlimited budgets and the participants are essentially cast members.

In real life, people have jobs and other obligations; They are financially strapped and can’t be expected to fulfill your every fantasy leading up to the wedding.

And the bridesmaids in particular seem to be very nervous; because they’re expected to shower, fly to Vegas for bachelorette weekends, buy expensive dresses they’ll never wear again, pay for special hair and makeup sessions, and stage the perfect wedding. wedding photos.

Please give these women some time off!

Your wedding dress shopping trip should include you, your mom, and your sister. Think how far that bottle of champagne can go with just the three of you!

Settle down. Reframe your expectations. Your wedding day will be more memorable if everyone around you feels joyful and excited rather than exhausted and resentful.

Dear Amy: The “Concerned Wife” was upset that her husband was corresponding with a much younger woman.

You should have asked her when was the last time she initiated sex or romance with her husband? He may be looking for the attention he can’t get at home.

– Sadık Koca

Dear Sadık: This husband is definitely looking for something.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.)