My friend shares more on social media than she shares with me – Chicago Tribune

Dear Amy: “Sandy” and I were close friends from college. Our group of friends was close, even though we lived in different states.

We text chat as a group and get together occasionally.

Recently, Sandy has been going through a rough patch following a painful divorce.

He is something of an “influencer” on social media and shares all his personal experiences about his mental health journey with the public.

I feel conflicted about the disparity between her public sharing and the lack of openness within the safe space of our close-knit group.

While I understand that social media is his chosen medium, I don’t understand why he would do this instead of trusting a group of people who know him really well.

I am a very private person and I find it strange that others overshare on social media.

Also, Sandy hasn’t started any conversations with me in a long time.

I have very young children at home and a busy work schedule. Most of the time I feel exhausted and unable to manage everything, but I avoid making these issues public and only share them within our group of friends.

Should I reach out to Sandy, note her recent posts, and ask how I can support her? If yes, how do I deal with my disappointment in his choices?

– Confused

Dear Confused: Some people use social media to basically vent their emotional dumps and broadcast their every thought, feeling, and latest meal.

This can seem extremely inconsiderate and even performative, as it elicits a lot of sympathy or regret from followers.

You don’t like it, but some people do. Giving access to another person’s struggles can inspire other social media users to feel less alone.

“Sandy” found its starting point. He or she may find that being out in public allows him/her to be more involved with close personal friends. He shows off to a crowd; As a result, it frees up space in your group chats.

You may be surprised by his choices, but judging him harshly won’t help either of you. While you are sharing your frustrations and challenges with the people who read this column, he is sharing his frustrations and challenges publicly on social media.

Yes, contact Sandy privately to check in, but don’t accuse her of oversharing.

He broadcasts using his preferred channels; You must respond using your own.

Dear Amy: I was talking to my husband the other night about a little lie he told.

I said lying was something I couldn’t tolerate!

I get much less angry with the truth than with little lies.

During the conversation, he told another lie that could easily be learned from the search history on his tablet. He invited me to do this and it was clear he didn’t think I could find him because he thought he had deleted the history on his phone.

This wasn’t something I was worried about, by the way. After all, he is a man and I am not stupid.

When I caught him and called him out, he became defensive and gave me no comfort to get through the situation.

I don’t know what to do now. If he can tell little lies to my face, I worry when the big lies will start.

– I got lost in Idaho

Dear Lost: It seems extremely unrealistic to expect your husband to comfort you after being caught in a lie. At that moment, he feels more sorry for himself than for you. Maybe you should feel sorry for him too.

Unnecessary lying about little things is cowardice, unless one is completely arrogant. His lies reveal that he doesn’t really trust you. He is afraid of your reaction or afraid of disappointing you. And yes, I believe that when this becomes ingrained, little lies lead to bigger lies.

You and your husband might want to check out the newest book by renowned relationship researchers Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman: “The Right Fight: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict into Connection” (2024, Harmony).

Dear Amy: Every time you try to answer a question about marijuana use, you reveal how old-fashioned and uninformed you are.

Cannabis is a medicinal plant that has been used for thousands of years. It is now legal to use this and therefore no one should have a problem with it.

– Happy Pot User

Dear Happy: Sober people struggle with the very real impact of trying to live with people who are not sober. Being the designated driver at all times is a tough job.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.)